Let's try this thing again, shall we?

A hiatus for 3 years? More like a "lazy-atus", amirite? Who even has the time to blog today, besides....millions of people. Oh well. Since I tweet sporadically but often, at least I've set a precedent for how I'm going to blog. Poorly. (zing) Mostly I'd like to use this to carry on 160+ rants, so we'll see what happens.

PS. I've cherrypicked/saved some of my previous posts because they make me laugh, so enjoy that shit son!

I waited my whole life to 'arrive', but when the time came life passed me by

figure out where that's from and I will give you a shiny gold doubloon. Really, a doubloon. I killed a pirate king a while ago and I got all his doubloons, and apparently BestBuy doesn't accept them. Go figure.

It's T-25 now - I've got a big presentation at 12pm that I've been working on the past 3 days. I started Monday night, worked until 7:30pm - Tuesday I worked all day on this beast until 9:15pm (a nice 12 hour day) - and this morning I finished off the remaining two slides about 11am. Now I'm just in a holding pattern until the meeting - which will probably suck.

I went skiing this weekend! I had never gone before, so I was a little apprehensive - but it shares a lot of similarities with rollerblading (a fact which the wife has probably heard like 600 times. Poor woman. Seriously, if you want to mess with her, tell her you heard skiing is like rollerblading - but Im not responsible if she snaps and punches you) so I was teh awesomes. By the end of the day I was shooting down the slopes like a ninja...on skis? The best lesson I learned during rollerblading that I put into use was to not be afraid of falling. Esp because the only thing I had a really hard time with at first was slowing down/stopping, so I would bail out to avoid shooting off the mountain.

Anyway, the comics are calling - I will come back later.
Dys

The fish passed me by led by fish hooks, I hit pop flies and caught their strange looks

2 Skinnee J's - always eclectic, mostly intelligent

I may have received my funniest prank call ever last night. Tell you more? I'd be glad to! My personal cell rang last night about 7pm - as the caller ID said 'restricted', I figured it was some telemarketer so I picked up (my curiosity will be the death of me one day).
Me: This is Tom. (It's a habit from work, I answer phone calls I don't know with my name)
Caller: Hi, this is Jessica with the Loudoun County Sheriff's Office. We'd like to ask you some questions.
Me: (thinking this will be asking for a donation) Sure, fire away.
Jessica: Well, we've had several complaints about you hanging out at elementary school playgrounds and taking pictures
Me: (Laughing hysterically) I don't know who you are, but bravo - this is hilarious!
Jessica: (totally serious) Sir this isn't hysterical, this is creepy. We'd like to send some officers over to talk with you.
Me: (still laughing) Sure, send 'em on over!
Jessica: Do you have any weapons?
Me: (wait a minute, that sounds like a valid question) Nope
Jessica: And will you be home tonight?
Me: Yep, all night.
Jessica: Ok sir, someone will be by shortly.
[phone call ends]

Now, I laughed my ass off - but a little tiny part of me worried that I had made light of an actual phone call, and that the police would be at my door directly. I am happy to say that no one showed up last night to arrest me or accuse me of being creepy. The worst part is that I have no clue who did that great prank call or why - I didn't recognize the voice, the number was restricted, and none of my friends who usually do this type of thing were in on it. I called the usual suspects to congratulate them on their genius, but they honestly had no idea what I was talking about (either that or they have become the best actors ever). So, I guess it's one of those things that will come out a few years from now, and we will all have a good laugh.

Gone to take some pictures,
Dys

Changes in Lattitudes, Changes in Attitudes

Whew.

Physical therapy would be so much easier if I didn't have to actually do it. The heating pads are great, I like those - but when he tried to rip my shoulder out of it's socket I was having second thoughts.

I would like to brag on myself that I sent random flowers to my wife today. Random because there was no special occasion, not random like I put weeds from the side of the road in a box and sent them.

Why do they schedule so many meetings, and when am I supposed to get work done? I miss the days when I wasn't important. Those were good days - I could go catch a movie accross the street and not miss anything, and when I came back people would always think I was working late and they'd be like "Man, you are a hard worker!". I always giggled at that, personally.

[/randomness]
Dys

Take a ride, take a shot now

[10:00]Ah, good ole Portishead. I had this song years ago, then lost it in one of the computer disasters. I had forgotten about it until a random car ride, wherein I re-discovered the mellow grooves of "Dummy" (the entire album) and in particular "Sour Times" (the song from which the post's title came from).


[10:30]I'm not sure, but I think someone subscribed me to a popcorn mailing list. That's just evil, folks.


[14:00]While this weekend was enjoyable, I can't help but feel like something was missing.


[20:00]"This job turns young men old, and old men into corpses."

Saw this sentence and had to post:
[The game "Mass Effect"] With it's "over the net" capabilities virtual orgasmic rape is just the push of a button away.

I'm curious as to why the author threw 'orgasmic' in there. I mean, I would have totally got 'virtual rape' - hell, I'm the guy that a couple of months ago randomly used the term "victory rape" - I don't remember the exact context but I think I lost and I felt violated. But I don't know, the orgasmic thing has got me thrown there. Would orgasmic rape be worse than regular rape? Is it like rape and rape light?

Dys

the Sun may rise in the East at least it's settled in a final location

What a difference a bag of nutter butter bites can make. Before them, I was sad. Then I had them and enjoyed their peanut buttery goodness, and I was contented. In 30 minutes or so, the massive amounts of corn in the cookies will take hold and I will no longer be content. I guess I should consider this halftime or something.



So my own personal QOTD a tie, actually - let me tell you both and maybe you can determine which one you like better.
1) When someone said that I was in the dark about a project, I said "I'm so far in the dark that my canary just died"
2) "Work is so stressful I'm considering taking a part-time job as a bartender to cut out the middle man."



This SB:O thing has really gained legs, huh? Pretty soon I'm going to turn on the tv and see a commercial for it ("Give us 5 days, and we will have something to show you for the first hour: sponsored by the Nebraska Department of Tourism"). There's already t-shirts in the works. Hahahaha, I just imagined a great one - let me see if I can mspaint a rough picture of it.
While that was the first phrase that came to mind (I know, there's something wrong with me that I could whip that up in roughly 1.5 minutes), I almost went with "SB:O 2008 - Because we had nowhere better to go!".

Well, I'm officially running out of steam. I will post again, maybe.

Dys